Saturday, March 9, 2013

Chapter 35

Gary's doctor had started making references to him coming home on a pass.  They decided that he would come home overnight.  The "good wife" couldn't say no, so I let him come.

I told the Pastor what was happening and he said that he would have his cell phone with him and if I needed anything to call no matter what time it was.

The first part of the evening was OK and I got Gary to bed without incident,  however I was to nerved up to even consider trying to sleep. I didn't even get undressed, just sat in the livingroom in the dark and waited...  Around 2:00am it happened.  Gary came out of the bedroom saying that he wanted to tell me something...that he was a Jew.  I thought, "Well, here we go again."  I told him to sit down and that I would be right back.  I went into my bedroom and called the Pastor's cell.  I was surprised when it went to his message.  I whispered that I needed help and could he come right away.

I went back into the livingroom and sat and listened to Gary talking really strange for about another 15 minutes, then excused myself again and went and called the Pastor. Once again I had to leave another message.  As I was later leaving a third message Gary walked into the bedroom and asked what I was doing.  I never answered him.  I don't know why I never thought to call the RCMP, but the thought just never crossed my mind!

I told him to get his things I was taking him back to the hospital.  He refused.  I went and got his things together then handed him his jacket and opened the door telling him to get in the van, again he refused.  I was starting to panic and that came out as anger as I exploded at him to "Get in the van NOW!"  Amazingly he listened.

Thankfully the hospital is only about 8 minutes away because he argued and tried to get the steering wheel the whole way there.  I pulled up to the main doors and had to haul him out of the van and push him to the door.  They always lock the doors at night and you have to ring a buzzer to get it.  I ignored the buzzer because I would have had to step back away from the door to reach it and I had Gary pinned up against the door so he wouldn't get away.  So I started banging as hard as I could.

One of the night receptionists buzzed me in and I yelled over to her to get a security guard for me because my husband needed to be escorted back up to the Psych unit.  I went up with them, threw Gary's bag unto his bed and turned to the nurse.  In a very tight voice I told him that a pass was not ever going to happen again and I turned and left.

I shook all the way home and spent the rest of what was left of the night sitting in a chair in the livingroom.

Around 9:00 the next morning the phone rang and it was Pastor.  I'll never forget the sound of his voice, he was so upset.  He had camped out in the yard with his boys the night before and in the process of taking things out to the tent his phone had been put on the kitchen counter and forgotten.  I told him what had happened and that I was OK.  He apologized numerous times and I could tell he felt really bad about the whole thing.

When my counsellor at the women's centre found out what had happened she was very upset and said that I needed to go to Gary's doctor and tell her everything, she needed to know the whole story about all the abuse.  So I made the appointment.

I was very nervous going in to meet with her, but she was very nice and I finally came clean to her about what my marriage had been really like. She was horrified.  She looked at me and said without any hesitation that she was going to start the paperwork that day for him to be placed in a home.  She then took my hands and looked me in the eye and said, "Its over."

It took a few moments for it to sink in what she meant.  When it became clear to me what she was saying I fell apart.  It was really over?  No more having to fear?  No more abuse?  No more pain?  It was what I had hoped and prayed for for years, and now here she was telling me that it had happened!

I left the hospital in a state of bewilderment and went to see Alice.  She came out and sat in the van, which is usually what she did so we could have privacy talking.  We talked for a long time.  I went home and called the Pastor and told him that Gary was going into a home.  He was going to be kept in the hospital until that time.  Then I told Elizabeth.

She was not happy.  Elizabeth did not know the whole story.  She just knew that her dad wouldn't be coming home and she was sad and upset.  I tried to be understanding for her sake, but it was hard.

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